In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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