How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
