You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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