i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
there is glitter all over my balls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
