After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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