haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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