trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
