forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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