I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
