they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
