I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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