we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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