i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
