Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
