Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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