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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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