I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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