we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
