She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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