which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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