hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
