dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
