I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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