Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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