I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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