"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
