End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
