Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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