"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
