You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
