you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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