I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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