My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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