I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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