To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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