New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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