have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
