I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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