Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
