How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
