i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
