i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
