Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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