I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
