im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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