dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
