Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
