My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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