I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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