Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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