I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
