moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize