tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
