Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
