i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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