he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
