i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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