were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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