So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
