dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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