And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
