Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
