They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
