I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
