His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
