I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this will be a night to untag.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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