Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
