Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
