we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
