tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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