I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
