Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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