...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You made out with two different species that night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize