You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
