that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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