apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
