So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
