i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize