I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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