brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
