Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
