I bet he comes in French.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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