then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
