Already got asked if we're dating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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