Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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