I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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