Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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