So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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