i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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