I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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