I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
