Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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