omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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