I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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