I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
