someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
