remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
