yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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